Where has your mind been, in the last few months? If I were to ask you to take a moment of pause now, what thoughts would float to the surface? We are so often asked how we are. Questions from strangers, friends and colleagues provoke us to to tell the world we are fine, we are well, and we are happy. But what is your mind telling you, as you read this? How are you, reader?
I have been a little quiet for the past few months. I have spent the last little while sealed off somewhat, doing everything I could to save the situation I was in. In doing so, I stayed beyond the turning point when I really should have walked myself home. In doing so, I knew I was giving up on some of the Liberty's beliefs of kindness and free living. It has been a process of experience and learning. One which I cannot and would not change. Ultimately, I had to complete that period of my life without the sharing of it in blog writing. I needed to wander into the wild for a while.
I cannot say in any way that I regret my experiences. I have lived in America in beautiful places. I have seen and witnessed incredible things. I have now learnt a circus aerial act that I can carry through to my next chapters! I loved, and loved fully. For that, I cannot ever be sorry. I gave my life and it's lessons to another person - a beautiful thing indeed.
Love is not infidelity. Love cannot be found in the darkest corners of doubt, pressure, or control. It thrives in open conversations. It breathes life into us in its truest forms. It lives in laughter. It's an animal that is fed by gentleness and starved by greed. It's founded by the daily habits of avoiding drawing harm towards the existence of our lovers. I don't think it needs to be any more complicated than that, honestly.
We are all lovers. We differ only on what and who we choose to give our love to. Disparate in our selections yet united in our capacities for love. Perhaps it's really just how much we allow ourselves to love, and be loved, that makes the difference.
Who do you love, truly? What is it that makes you feel loved, all the way through to your bones? Or what is it, perhaps, that you think you need to feel loved?
"Helen, you are the only person you have to be with for the rest of your life. So do what is in the best interest for you. Whatever decision you make, make sure you make it with a well thought mind"
These are the stable words from a friend that were sent to me recently. Her message is heavily rooted in concepts of self respect. A love for self that can often be overlooked in our rush to seal ourselves into relationship safety. In this text message moment, my friend has neatly reminded me to stay self conscious in its most positive sense. To stay conscious of my own mind. Without allowing any late night fears or early morning hesitations to take over my days.
In turn, I hope to continue to do the same in my writing to you. I promised to stay committed to a path of doing so 5 years ago, and happily will remain doing so for as many days as I am fortunate to live. Because for the first time on this journey with you all, I can honestly say that I have never felt more trusting of the future. I have never been more believing in the potential of love.
In the last month everything I thought was definite has altered (as it so often seems to!) but I have never felt happier or more myself. I have made British plans in Oxford with excellent new and old friends. I have begun working on a very exciting personal project supported by some developing performing work I have been offered. I am living in an incredible city, at an immense time of my life. I couldn't be in a better place to create and regenerate. I chose to be this way.
I fell in love! And, as a result, I have fallen all the more in love with this journey we travel on together; towards creating an environment where the world can come to be lost or found with the support of the arts. Nothing less.
So here we are, and on we happily go. Never fearing difference - only feelings of indifference!
To experience, to new chapters, and to the love that binds us all.