Change is a funny thing. It can happen without you knowing. You can look back to a memory, or at an old photo, and only then realise that life has changed. So gradual can be the change that it can happen without you acknowledging its effect or presence.
But then there are the kinds of change that are drastic or rapid. The kind that knock you completely off balance. Even when you knew they were coming. The most notable change in my life, is that I have now changed country! Precisely one week ago I flew home to England following the completion of my 7 month show contract in Marrakech.
This week, I am now eating different foods. I am talking in my own language, instead of communicating regularly in French. I am travelling with British public transport, instead of the Moroccan taxis I previously used every day to get to the studios. I am suddenly hearing all kinds of new music, new sounds. I am noting the changes to my home environment that occurred in during my 7 month absence. So many changes.
But I am surprised to find that I am not altogether knocked off balance, as I had rather expected. Yes, I have come home. Yes, I have closed a specific and truly amazing chapter of my life. But I am not closed or finished as a person. There are new experiences to be found, and new characters yet to add to my personal story - already this week I have met some of these, both personally and professionally. It is truly amazing what a difference a day can make - I believe in this whole heartedly. My story shall continue.
Since I was a small child I have had a regular habit when dressing myself. As soon as I could walk, even before I could talk, I would routinely cast aside the clothing choices my Mother had laid out for me and instead try on multiple new combinations until the right one was found. Creating a colourful disaster area of materials in the process, I would piece together odd assortments of tops and bottoms. Adding in various accessories along the way, I would continue this process of trial and error until I felt the right one was 'just right'. I rarely regarded the outfits in the mirror - it was how they felt on me that distinguished their connection with me.
To this day, I still do the same. It is not a case of vanity - it is a case of knowing what feels right once something is a part of me. I express myself through movement, just as I do with the materials that I wear on my body. In reflection, I feel that my life has fallen into appropriate parallel with my dressing habits. I have never always known exactly what I want to be in life, or who I want to be. By testing the water in new environments, with newly met faces and experiences, I have finally come to find what fits me.
I have previously feared great change, and sometimes even resisted its grasp. But following a week of almighty alteration I happily sit comfortably in my own skin. In an outfit that I chose after discarding around four others this morning. I am in a home environment that is safe, warm, and supportive. I am in a country that I no longer run from.
Change is good. I now look forward to this new chapter of my story. With every chapter, a step towards the future front door of Liberty's - the door that stays in the front of my mind no matter how many changes occur in my present.
HV.
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