How lovely this feels, rippling words across these black laptop keys. Like a musician returning to the cool, cold ivory keys of a beloved piano, I feel a definite sense of return. I haven't written a blog entry for a period of months. My decision to cease writing was due to my continuing feeling that I was beginning to write cyclically. I knew fresh air was needed in order to breathe life back into my writing. I was reflective of all that had been collectively achieved with the Journey To Liberty's blog movement but acutely felt the specific end to one period of life, and one battle in particular. As such, I wanted time away from it all, to focus instead on my notebook writing, art production, and choreographic work. And I am so glad I did! The last few months have been a necessary time of cultivation in direct benefit of the Liberty's Journey.
Today is the 8th March, 2015 - International Women's Day. Today, I find myself in England, unusually! After three solid years of jumping aboard planes all over the world, I am writing to you now from my British home environment. I have written the Journey to Liberty's blog from no less than 8 different countries during it's three year life. My laptop is well travelled, by now! But today, I certainly write from a place of home.
The adjustment period of returning to England has been a difficult one, I cannot deny. Every fibre in my being urges and nags at me to book a new flight, and dance away into the sunset. But I am choosing instead to allow for goodness to come from some time in my own country. I want to see what can be achieved for Liberty's in my native environment. For the first time in my life, I am attempting to live in the moment of 'now' rather than planning ten steps ahead, or with a turned head looking back at my track marks. On a daily basis, this is much harder than I had anticipated! I am a planner, and an opportunist. But I am endeavouring to hone these elements of my skills into ones that can utilise and appreciate the current moment and glean all I can from it.
I have many updates for you, in terms of what I have been doing for the Liberty's movement and in my own life pattern. But I will gradually update you on these developments in coming entries. There is always, always time.
As performers, we are extremely adept at taking on characters and confidences that are beyond or even vastly differing from the innards of who we truly are. It is wonderful escape, as well as a very affirming process of self exploration. We can visit places in our minds and on stages that we never ordinarily would have been able to. Personally, I have found that the more I have 'escaped' on stages and in studios, the more I have returned to the core of my truer self.
This week, I was challenged to really test out the strength of my own personal journey. An opportunity arose to be a life model for a group of 16-18 year old girls of a local boarding school who are studying the dancer's body in their Art A-Level classes. I confirmed my attendance with the head of department, without thinking too much about it. Until I found myself in a robe in an adjoining room to the art studio I would be modelling in. I suddenly wasn't the 26 year old dancer they were expecting. I was the insecure, chubby teenager I was at their age. I was the shy four year old on her first day at school, burrowing her face into her mother's skirt. I was the girl who rented village halls 5 years ago, just to have space to dance without anyone watching, to explore her dancing body as it began to change and alter beneath the skin that held her together. Was I comfortable enough to go ahead with this? I knew and fully believed in it's artistic value, and the positive effect it would have for the student artists awaiting my arrival. But I was caught between every Helen I had been. And so, I did what I always do in such situations - I said a quiet prayer, shook myself off, and stepped boldly on to the stage.
A few minutes later, I found myself in a balletic pose, entirely naked, in front of twelve focused students. My chin slightly raised, focused on a single spot on the wall, holding my core as strongly as I could so as not to move a single muscle and interrupt the sketch processes unfolding on to canvasses all around me. I came to a singular realisation. I was comfortable. I was not self conscious. I was free. No man of my past or current life was telling me I couldn't do this. No restrictions were upon me. Having barely said a word since arriving, and with no knowledge of who I am, these students were seeing the situation purely. They saw a dancing body in front of them, to draw and encapsulate in their work. That is all. They weren't judging my weight, or pre-judging my life path. They knew only my first name, and the dancing body in front of them. The beautiful simplicity of this electrified my thoughts, and cultivated a huge sense of freedom within me. I physically felt it's force. Without a word, I was communicating in ways I hadn't thought possible.
This moment, in it's theme of freedom, is exactly the kind I commit to developing in the future days of Liberty's. I want to facilitate moments of freedom, in whatever form it takes for each individual. Whether it is in a moment of dancing, a quiet moment of painting, in achieving a personal goal, or simply communicating with someone who truly understands. We all seek varying forms of freedom. Sometimes they aren't in the places we have been looking, or anywhere we might expect. But they are there, waiting for us.
And so, here we are! Together, in a new stage of the Journey to Liberty's. The coming months will hold new chapters, and the blog will take on a new, fresh face in many ways. There will be updates of events you can become involved in, art-shares, and even a new design format!
I want to thank you all for your continuing support, and all of the amazing messages I have received in the past few months while the blog page was having a little time out. The response to our new Facebook page has been immense, and there is a very exciting presence of building energy running through these webpages. There is a lot to look forward to.
Happy International Women's Day, certainly. But more so, I want to celebrate every individual, female or otherwise, that has joined forces on this journey.
Welcome home.
Liberté.
libertysjourney@gmail.com
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@libertysjourney